At the November 10th meeting, the Berkeley City Council unanimously voted to accept donations to name potholes throughout the city.
“Maintaining infrastructure is no longer a priority” declared Mayor Arreguìn, who sponsored the unanimously adopted item. “We must instead direct our resources to ending homelessness.” CM Davila abstained.
Pothole sponsors will be able to choose names of historical figures with a record of racist beliefs, such as Jefferson, Washington, and Boalt. Sponsorship costs will scale up according to the size of a pothole and the prominence of its location.
Prospective sponsors are invited to contact Mayor Arreguìn, who will chair the Pothole Identification Team (PIT). “By naming potholes after historical racists,” Arreguìn said, “residents will be able to pound them into dust with the steel belts of their tires. We’ll ride high while they are driven low.”
Funds received from sponsors will fund the retirement accounts of Public Works employees, in recognition for their service in establishing and preserving potholes around the city.
“Berkeley residents will now have the opportunity to align their tires with our core values,” commented CM Kate Harrison. “Alignment is for beliefs, not wheel axles,” added CM Sophie Hahn. “The suspension is over,” noted CM and auto enthusiast Ben Bartlett, “and our vehicle suspensions will reflect that trauma as we race through red lights throughout the city.”