Writing in the Journal of Really Really Advanced Statistics, Dr T. Cuddler, revealed a truth long denied but quietly suspected : walkable neighborhoods are a target for porch pirates.
Walkability scores reflect the distance to public transit and other amenities for a particular neighborhood. More suburban settings, such as are found in the Berkeley hills, have low walkability scores. To this point, scholars have believed that Porch Pirates would be drawn to economically affluent neighborhoods. This viewpoint has now been upended.
As Dr Cuddler’s visual shows, walkability and the rate of packages stolen from front porches are closely correlated. While environmental sensitivity may be motivating a preference for walkable neighborhoods, porch piracy is effectively a new tax on that virtue.
“It’s essential that the public know the truth,” said Cuddler. “Christmas is coming and the porch pirates are circling.”
In Berkeley, crime may not climb, but it still gets its steps in.