Uproar at the Berkeley Board of Adjustments

Opposing groups became confrontational at the Board of Adjustments meeting on Tuesday. Citizens Against Gentrification protested the influx of yuppies into a historically working class neighborhood. Otto Meihaus, spokesperson for the organization of UCB Alumni, suggested “Berkeley was best in the sixties”, and expressed the local community’s anger at the influx of newbies, who don’t respect “Berkeley’s history and values.” 

A counter-protest group, Don’t Let Them Leave, led by Joan N. Fleeng, agitated to keep the few remaining white collar citizens from leaving for greener pastures in the suburbs. The group believes that white collar flight will result in the decline of the city with attendant costs in services and reductions in property values. 

The two groups nearly came to blows during the meeting until our correspondent, Taylor Bunting, pointed out that most of those leaving for the exurbs are long term residents who were cashing in on their increased property values caused by the influx of “Techie” newbies to Berkeley. It turns out that many of these were recent grads of UCB merely wishing to return. 

The departing former residents were now able to achieve the American dream of a home in the suburbs or in a small town free of the burdens of city living and the attendant high costs and taxes. 

Leaving the meeting, Ms. Fleeng was seen scrolling her smart phone for real estate agents, and Mr. Meihaus was searching for the UCB Alumni Fund to make sure they knew about the influx of new, potential donors.