Shocking New Epidemiological Study Demonstrates Exposure-Risk Relationship
Epidemiologists at the Berkeley School of Public Health have provided the most definitive evidence ever that exposure to Berkeley’s over 40 boards and commissions is driving an alarming outbreak of post traumatic stress disorder. The new study demonstrates a strong correlation between exposure hours to Berkeley’s commissioners and disease severity. One of the study’s peer reviewers stated, “it’s the clear dose-response relationship that makes this research so compelling.”
The study came about in a serendipitous manner when its lead author, Dr. O H Mind, was having dinner with a friend. The friend, a clinical psychologist, related the fact he had seen a large influx of local architects demonstrating symptoms of severe distress, generalized anxiety and an unusual hyper-reactivity to seemingly innocent questions. Dr. Mind thought this seemed unusual given architects generally have an outward going social demeanor.
Subsequently, Dr. Mind was able to interview one of the patients who recently had a project come before the City of Berkeley Design Review Commission for a second time as part of an on going four year process. After reviewing the Zoom recording of the meeting, Dr. Mind was shocked by the seeming endless barrage of question regarding subjective design and aesthetic choices by the commissioners. “I was really struck by the fact commissioners were carrying on about balcony trim choices and the operation of the garage door for over two hours. You could see the patient being driven to the brink. The real kicker was the fact that this single review has been going on since 2017. It really begged the question, what are the health effects of this mind numbing interrogation?”
To answer this question, Dr. Mind canvassed City of Berkeley Land Use Applications to develop a cohort of architects with active projects. Twenty five individuals consented to participate in the study.
His index case showed particularly severe symptoms after four + years of having his project grind through the “Berkeley Process.” The average length of time architects reported trying to get their project approved was 2.7 years. Dr. Mind noted they all displayed similar symptoms to one degree or another often responding with the phrase, “it’s in the plan; why do you keep asking me that?” Based on in-depth interviews, Dr. Mind was able to deduce a number of common phenomena the most severe cases had in common. They include:
- Circular Firing Squad Syndrome: Occurs when changes are made to a project at the bequest of one body such as the Zoning Adjustments Board only to be berated for said change by another body such as the Design Review Commission.
- City Council Pander: Occurs when city council members aim to curry favor with aggrieved neighbors by continuously referring projects back to boards or commissions. Makes life miserable for architects and ends in expensive lawsuits from funds that could have supported affordable housing.
- Subjective Soliloquy: A Berkeley phenomena where every commissioner is compelled to use their “turn” to talk. Results in irrelevant and asinine questions but requires the applicant to have to say “I’ll need to get back to you on that” thus prolonging the ordeal.
“When we ran the cross tabulation in our epidemiological model we saw considerable synergy between these three factors in the worst cases. When you combine the fact we have a dose response relationship with disease severity growing over time combined with specificity to the phenomena above the data are undeniable. For example, our index case patient’s head almost exploded when the Design Review Commission started talking about the types of plants they would like to see on his project, and remember he still needs to go to city council, so there is particular risk here.” Dr. Mind suggested Bradford-Hill, the father of causation Epidemiology, “would be proud.”
The Bunion contacted Council Member Lori Droste, who has been the champion of reducing the number of commissions in Berkeley. CM Droste responded, “Look, I initially launched this effort to make our city more efficient, effective and to provide focus on true priorities. I never imagined my proposal to reduce the number of commissions is in fact one of the most important public health issues of our day. It gives me all the more reason to double down on this important effort.”