House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy’s Magnum Opus Rendition of Green Eggs and Ham Cited as a “Game Changer”
In a surprise move, the Berkley School Board has enlisted congressional Republicans as partners in the plan to resume in person learning by April. School Board president Ty Alper noted that they are the “perfect partners” due to their indifference to the risk of contracting Coronavirus. He pointed out, “they are willing to go absolutely anywhere without a mask, so why not put this bravado toward benefiting Berkeley youth?” Under the tentative agreement Congressional Republicans would be enlisted for “Story Time” among kindergartners and first-graders.
The idea came about when the the Public Schools 2 X 2 Committee was considering ways to enhance enrichment learning while ensuring the safety of students and staff members. A major challenge was the sheer number of staff members needed to maintain social distancing among the “teaching pods.” During committee deliberations CSPAN was playing in the background when Kevin McCarthy provided his amazing rendition of Green Eggs and Ham. Later reports flashed of Ted Cruz’s Stand with Ted & Dr. Seuss Against Cancel Culture Mob to Claim Your Signed Copy of Green Eggs and Ham! The committee flashed back to the fact Senator Cruz was also a prolific orator of Dr. Seuss as evidenced by his 2013 reading of Green Eggs and Ham on the senate floor.
Mayor Arreguin, a 2X2 member, stated “we were really struggling with how to provide an enriched learning experience with appropriate student educator ratios when the committee had a collective ah ha moment.” The mayor’s office immediately reached out to representative McCarthy’s office and a deal was in the works. According to Alper, “realizing that our elected officials are at their best when reading children’s books was a real game changer for us.”
McCarthy’s office was happy to work with the board and reach out to fellow Republicans, including Ted Cruz, to get behind this important “family oriented” program. Representative McCarthy noted, “we really have nothing productive to do in Washington DC other than vote down Majorie Taylor Green’s political stunts, so why not redirect tax payers dollars for their salaries towards some social good.”
we really have nothing productive to do in Washington DC . . ., so why not redirect tax payers dollars . . . towards some social good.
Representative Kevin McCarthy
As part of the agreement, Congressional Republicans insisted that “our history not be taken away” and that Jefferson School return to its original namesake. Board leaders agree to the plan as a temporary measure as the school has implemented real-time naming technology.
Republicans insisted that “our history not be taken away” and that Jefferson School return to its original namesake
Collective Bargaining Agreement
Also, according to the agreement Congressional Republicans would not be able to use the teacher’s lounge over concerns of COVID risk, but repurposed Biden Busses, captured during the campaign, will be parked outside schools and serve as break spaces and Fox News interviews spots for the Congress members.
Republicans also insisted that the busses be well stocked with candy-bars and sugary sodas tax-free from Enterprising Cal Students, as these item have been banned from school premises. Arrangements were also made for periodic field trip readings with students on Trump Commons. In addition, their collective bargaining agreement stipulates the Congress members can refuse to read Don’t Let the Republicans Drive the Bus and Ted Cruz can continue to peddle signed books to students for $50 apiece.